The Leprechaun Proclamation

The Little People speak out on behalf of the little people.

We Leprechauns, friends of the Irish People,
hereby give notice
of our latest collective decision,
and address ourselves to that social grouping
commonly known as the Irish political class.

Down through the ages we have strained every nerve
on your behalf:
we have always aided you
when you were sorely prest.

The marauding Danes,
robbers of the chalice,
landed long ago;
when Brian Boru and his fighters overcame them,
we guarded the gold they left behind:
in pots, in bags, under rocks, beneath crags,
we kept it safe.

The Normans and the English came,
bent on plunder likewise.
We said “We don’t like the look of this”
so we went underground.
We helped you ease their settlements
of ill-gotten gains,
attack their convoys,
hamstring their cattle.
We were heart and soul for Grainne Mhaol.

When independence came
there was a fear we were harming Ireland’s image abroad.
(Bord Failte later told visitors
“We defy you to set eyes on any leprechaun.
If you catch one,
we’ll give you a reward.”)
“Right,” we said,
“in order to play our part in the national struggle
--and in the interests of self-preservation--
we’ll go underground again.”
It worked.
We survived unseen.

A protected home market for Irish made-goods
was your emerald desire.
Connolly told you this was a tawdry jewel,
but you went ahead.
After thirty years or so it became clear
that Connolly was right all along,
so you veered off on the opposite tack
and offered the country
to foreign capital on a plate.

The vultures alighted in droves;
we stayed underground.
At last there were plenty of local jobs to be had
but prices rose.
The banks grew profligate in their lending,
with the Celtic Tiger
offering homes for thousands.--
an evanescent oasis.

Loan water ran into sand;
the lagoon shrank
Eager citizens at the shaduf
found the water wouldn’t grow a mortgage.
Banks had borrowed abroad:
Bank funds ebbing abroad
forced a bank bail-out from you.

What now is the cost of it all?
Savage.
What have you achieved?
Wage reductions
redundancies
empty housing estates
and the recalled emigrant boat.
Prosperity slipped through your fingers:
we can keep hold of gold
but you can’t, it seems.

It’s not for us to devise a remedy,
but we have some advice:
listen to the People;
listen to the Left.
Bring the banks under democratic control.
Open the bank books and make clear
just how much is owing.
Campaign for international co-operation..

If you refuse to change course
we shall simply abandon the country
for somewhere where we’re appreciated. .
We will up sticks and leave
and not a single leprechaun will be left in residence
from Tory Island to Carnsore Point
and from Rathlin to darkest Kerry

… except for a scattering of cluracauns
running riot in your offices,
cutting electric cables
blocking your motorways
and intercepting your communications
with Brussels. You have been warned.

By Order
Ar ordu

Leprechaun Grand Democratic Council
Comhairle Mor Daonlathach na Lepreachan